Fate
by onequartercanadian
Summary: "You make plans and God laughs because He has something totally different in store for you." -unknown. You think that you have your life figured out, but fate had other plans. Set after season 5. ABANDONED
1. Chapter 1

He stared down at his grandson in amazement looked over at his wife and said "You know, there was a time when I didn't think that this would ever happen."

His wife replied "You never told me that."

He said"I wanted to keep you happy and keep her happy. I kept on being optimistic to everyone; inside I was filled with doubt."

"Oh," she said sympathetically and put her hands on his shoulders. "Me too, me too."

"Happy anniversary, baby," He said and gave her a kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

May of 2010

Marshall walks into Barney's office and Barney said "You know how I'm so awesome at what I do."

Marshall interrupts him and said "I still have no clue what you do," he then asked "what is your job exactly?"

Barney ignoring his last comment goes on with what he was saying "I'm planning to take it further," and gave him a packet of papers with The Ninja Report written in bold on the front.

"What is this?" Marshall asked flipping through the packet.

"It's a corporate cue my friend. If done successfully I will own this corporation." Barney said standing up and looking into the distance.

"Then we'll finally know what it is you do for a living." Marshall muttered.

"With you as the head lawyer on the cue you could be bumped up to the number one in the corporation and you could get a job at any tree-hugging firm you'd like." Barney said turning to Marshall.

"I'll have to discuss this with Lily first-" Marshall started

"You must not tell anyone." Barney gets in Marshall's face and says intensely "You must not tell _anyone_."

"See ya tonight." Marshall says and starts to leave but Barney stop him and asks

"Will you do it?"

"Fine," Marshall says and left.

Barney walks back to his desk and sits down to do some work. His assistant walks in and says

"I'm starting maternity leave tomorrow. See ya in a few weeks."

"Still can't believe you got knocked up." He says not looking up from his computer

"Nice way to put it," She says sarcastically "I never wanted kids till I got, in your words, _knocked up_."

"Your life may not be going according to plan but mine is and I like it." Barney says in an attitude still not looking up

"You make plans and God laughs because He has something _totally_ different in store for you." She quoted and left.


	3. Chapter 3

Mid June

Marshall got all his papers together, his hands shaking, when Lily came in with her little baby bump

"Aren't you coming to the doctor's with me today sweetie?" she asked

"I'm sorry sweetie; I have this extremely big meeting that I have to get to." He said trying to get his things together franticly.

"But where going to see the baby," she pleaded

"Fine." He said and gave Lily a kiss "Let's go see our little baby!"

Later that day

Marshall came to Barney's office and saw him packing up his motivational posters.

"Didn't it go well?" He asked

"Went great!" He said happily "Where were you?" He asked

"The doctor with Lily." He said "but if it went great why are you packing up?" He asked

"They moved me upstate." He said as he packed

"So you have to move?" He asked

"No" He said getting the full box and put it by the door.

"Okay, see ya tonight," He said as he left

Barney looking out his window making sure Marshall was on the elevator, when the doors closed Barney put his head in his hands and said "I can't believe I got fired."


	4. Chapter 4

Mid July

Barney sat on a park bench next to Dave, a former colleague, who were both now unemployed.

Barney sat up put the newspaper down on the seat and said "I'm going; I have to convince my landlord to keep me in my apartment."

Dave said "Wait, I thought she was a lesbian?"

"She is," he said "I have to plead with her." Barney said unhappily.

"Why don't you just do want I'm doing?" he asked "It's super cheap."

"I'm not going to live with my mother." He said a little peeved

"I have literally no expenses." He added

"Are you coming?" Barney asked

"Yep! Only if you're paying for the cab." David said

"No were walking," Barney said "Now come on."

When they reached Barney's apartment they saw a red letter in the handle of the door.

"Oh, fuck," muttered Barney as he picked up the letter "I just got kicked out of my apartment."

"Why don't you just stay with one of your friends?" He asked

"I never told them about the cue or me getting fired." Barney moaned

"_Why?"_ Dave asked confused

"Because they harp on me and Lily would make me talk about feeling and crap." Barney said a little peeved.

The next day they were back on the park bench looking for a job in the newspaper ever since they found out that they were blackballed at all major companies within a 500 mile radius.

Dave pointed one out to Barney and said "Hey look at this one."

Barney looked at the ad "No!" he demanded

"You went through five jobs in the last month, it's no time to be choosy," Dave said " It's a very popular place." Dave added

"How do you contact them?" He asked and grabbed the paper.

The Bar about 2 days later

Lily came in baby bump and all very depressed and collapsed on the other side of the booth.

"What's wrong?" Robin asked

"A guy on the subway said that my shirt was ugly. Now I feel so ugly and fat." Lily moaned

"Hey, let me take you to a place where you will feel so much better." Robin suggested

"I can't get drunk." Lily moaned reminding her

"I know" Robin said "Just trust me, I know just the cure."

They walked into a gay bar with music blasting and Lily confused "What the hell, Robin?"

"These gays will make you feel so pretty and give you confidence on your wardrobe. If you want compliments on you looks go to a sports bar," She said "And if you just want to get drunk go to the Hoser Hut" She said matter of factly.

Guys kept coming up to them and complimenting them and Lily started to feel better.

Robin said "Let's go get drinks" Lily looked and her then down at her belly

"Ok, well I'll get a drink." Robin said and they left for the bar

When they arrived at the bar the bartender said as he turned around "What do you- fuck" Barney said

Lily and Robin burst into a fit of uncontrollable hysterical laughter. Barney took them out behind the bar and when he got them to stop laughing he explained everything. Lily and Robin entered McLarens still in hysterical laughter.

"What's so funny?" Marshall asked

They kept on laughing

"Seriously, what's so funny?" Ted asked

"Do you want to tell them?" Lily asked through her laughter

"No, it's too funny!" Robin said through her laughter.

**Future Ted: "Kids, we never found out what was so funny; they did blackmail him with this **_**for years**_**."**


	5. Chapter 5

Reader's discretion is advised

Robin walked in to the bar where Lily and Barney were and said

"I really hate my job."

"Why" Asked Lily

"everything!" She said angrily

"Well, there's still one thing you can always depend to have a laugh on."

Robin remembered and chuckled

"Shut up!" Said Barney

"Aren't you supposed to be at work soon?" Mocked Lily

"No, I got fired." Said Barney

"Why?" Asked Robin

"My boss came out with a date while I was with this girl, but you should've seen this girl-" Barney started

"No, no! You're not changing the subject." Said Lily

"So he found you with a girl, so what." Said Robin

"I might have told him I was gay to make sure I'd get the job." Said Barney ashamed

"Auu, I have to go." Lily said, got up, and left

"Hey, I can help you with your job problem." Said Barney lucratively

"How?" asked Robin not intrigued

"Mexican drug rings." Barney said lucratively

This caught Robin's attention and she replied "What?"

"You give people a stunning report on Mexican drug rings and you'll soar to the top." Barney said still lucratively

"_Really?"_ Robin asked

"Really" Barney lucratively said

"What the hell, let's do it." Robin said

So the two got on a plane to Mexico and when they landed they went to the nice hotel and got set up.

"Okay, in this hat is a camera, if you're walking around with a camera you'll most certainly get killed, plus it looks cooler." Barney said and gave her the blue hat

"What do you mean by walking around?" Robin asked

"When you're walking around and recording the drug rings." Barney said

So Robin turned on the camera left the hotel, she was going toward where Barney got a tip of where they would be. On the way there Robin spotted a woman lying on the side of the road. She stopped the Range Rover and went to tend to the woman. The woman was in her mid-thirties with black hair and tan skin, Robin asked her

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." The woman said and started to cry

Robin saw that she was bleeding near her upper thighs, she tried to investigate it a little when the woman smacked her hand, jumped up and exclaimed

"Get away from me!"

"O dear God, were you raped?" Robin said and the woman nodded her head and cried Robin continued "Did you go to the police?" the woman shook her head and Robin asked "Why?"

"I can't. The man said he'll kill my son." The woman said with fright

"Well then, I'll help find the man who did this to you." Robin said determined and reassuring

The woman said she knew he was in a drug ring and they went to a worn out warehouse where the woman said that she swore that this is where it all goes down. Robin gets a gun out from her side and tells the woman to stay outside. She kicks a side door in and looks around, no one, she walks into the eerie looking room, she called out if anyone was there, she heard no response. She then heard people talking from a distance. She walked closer and down some creaky steps and then saw a door, the people's talking was much louder now and she knew that they were behind the door. She thought about what she was going to do when she busted the door. Then she heard people behind her, she whipped around and saw that a few Mexican SWAT team officers were behind her and gave her a nod, she then kicked the door in to see the drug lords talking and had kidnapped a young boy. They started shooting Robin ran rolled behind a barrel, put her arm up toward them and kept shooting. Then everything stopped. There was silence. A few seconds later some cops came in and arrested them. They had four injuries and two deaths none by Robin. It turned out that the head guy did rape the woman and kidnapped her son. She was greatly thanked by the government and when she got back she went back to the bar.

"Whoa, that's awesome!" exclaimed Marshall

"Yah" agreed Lily

Robin's phone rang, she picked it up and said "Hello, yes this is she," she listened for a while then said "O my God. I'll have to think about it." She listened again "I'll give you a response by the end of the week."

"Was that World Wide News and you're just being polite." Barney mocked knowing his plain has worked

"That was the NYPD, they offered me a job." Robin said with shock.


	6. Chapter 6

"The NYPD doesn't just hand out jobs." Lily said

"The Captain saw my video from Mexico and said they needed someone like me on the force. They would give me a two week training class." Robin said

"This is…" Ted said trying to find the right word

"Literally blowing my mind." Robin finished

"You mean figuratively." Ted said correcting her

"What position did they offer you?" Marshall asked

"Homicide" Robin answered

They rest of the gang looked confused

"But what you did had nothing to do with murder?" Lily said confused

"That's the only spot they had opened." Robin replied "I think I'm gonna take it." She finished

"This is awesome!" Barney exclaimed "I can finally say I banged a New York City detective!"

"No." Robin said sternly

"What about your dreams of becoming a world famous reporter?" Ted asked

"I've been in New York for about six years and have only gone backwards." Robin said "I'm going to take the job." Robin said with confidence and went to call the Captain.

Two Weeks later

"Hey guys!" Robin said happily with a tanned, muscular, hot man behind her "This is Patrick, my partner." She introduced

Barney shook his hand and then felt better that he was still the hottest _straight_ man at the table.

"Omg!" Patrick said "This suit is fabulous! Italian?" He said

"Why yes it is." Barney said impressed

"So you're…" Lily said

"All my life!" He said happily "I have to go but see you all later! Chow!" He said and left

"Hey! I stayed a little late because I did a little background check on you guys." Robin said and got out the files. Barney's face turned to look like a deer in headlights.

"What?" They all said appalled

"Lily, you can't seem to get the drift of parking right. Glad you moved to a city." Robin started and Lily looked a little embarrassed "and Marshall, you've been in a lot of fights." She said surprised "Surprised only one person filed something then dropped it. Wonder _who _was behind _that_? Ted, you have a bit of a led foot." She said. "And Barney," She said with a grin as Barney still looked like a deer in headlights shaking his head no. "You had by far the biggest offense." And handed his file to Ted as Barney tried fruitlessly to grab it.

"O my God!" Ted said shocked as he scanned the file

"What?" asked Lily and Marshall

"He spent four years in jail for insider trading!"

"What!" exclaimed Marshall and Lily

"**What!" exclaimed Ted's kids**

"In Barney's defense it was _about_ four years." Robin said

Marshall and Lily grabbed his file and Lily remarked "You look so miserable in this picture. So he doesn't look awesome in _every_ picture."

"It's a mug-shot" remarked her husband "He was originally sentenced to…" he paused in amazement "_twenty years_ in prison but got on in August of 2001 on parole."

"Wait." Ted said "August of 2001, that's when we met." Ted said confused

"Yah, about that." Barney started "It was August of 2001, and I just got out on parole. I first went here to grab a drink and a lay. And I happened to have met you."Barney said and looked at Ted. Ted had no clue how to respond to that. Barney continued "It was 1998 just after I officially became awesome. I got my job and then a few months later I was arrested. That's all you really can and will know." Barney said

"Seriously what do you do for a living?" Ted asked

Lily and Robin chuckle and Barney looks at them to shut up.

Ted then started the inevitable "When you were younger you dreamed about going to Penn State instead of the State Pen!"

Marshall then added "I bet you always dreamed of living in a big house not _the_ big house!" and Barney stormed out.

**Future Ted: "This went on for a while, even though the target wasn't there."**

A few days later

Robin was in line getting some coffee from a near-by coffee shop when she saw a tan, brunette, muscular, man, in doctor scrubs at the counter ordering. When he sat down she asked

"Mind if I join?"

"No I don't." Said the man as he smiled and gestured for her to sit down next to him.

**Future Ted: "If Robin wouldn't have almost married him, I would've never've met your Mother."**


	7. Chapter 7

Barney walks into the bar where Lily and Robin were sitting and Robin says

"Hey! How was the interview?"

"Awful." Barney said upset "They didn't even like my awesome video resume."

"Why? What did they say about it?" Lily asked concerned

"The guy said that it was worse than cancer." Barney said upset

"Where have you been staying?" Asked Lily just thinking of the question

"Yah, you've been going to your victim's places." Said Robin

"Yah, I've kind of been staying in my storage space and crashing at random girl's places." Said Barney

"That's terrible!" Lily said with sympathy, then an idea hit her "Wait, I have an idea."

XXX

Lily, Ted, and Marshall were coming up to the apartment when they got there they saw two of their best friends getting it on

"Woooo!" exclaimed Lily

"Déjà vu much." Ted said

**Future Ted: "That worked for a little while when one night…"**

Ted walked out of his bedroom and into the dark apartment he saw two figures on the couch getting it on thinking it was Barney and Robin once again he ignored it and walked to the kitchen. He turned on the light and just happened to see the girl Barney was making out with was blonde.

"BARNEY!" He called appalled. Barney stops making out with the girl and looks over at him. "What the hell!" Ted called appalled. Robin then came out and said

"What's going on?"

"I know what's going on. Barney's cheating on you!" Ted said and pointed to the woman who got her purse and left.

"Barney! Just tell him." Robin said

So Barney told him everything and Ted let his friend crash on his couch

**Future Ted: "So everyone eventually lived in the old apartment over the years. That's a summer I will never forget. I didn't have classes to teach and your Uncle Barney didn't have a job. I knew that this wouldn't end well."**

Ted always _had_ to hang-out with Barney. He was the only one that wasn't working at the moment and wasn't expecting a child in the near future. At one point Ted had enough

"Female yoga instructors! Can put you in any position! You in?" Barney said enthusiastically

"No! I've had it! I've had it with your stupid plans! I've dealt with it all summer! I have to go to work." Ted yelled then realized the complete duche he was being and said "I'm sorry. I'm very stressed."

"It's okay." Barney said.

A Few days later

Ted and Robin come into the apartment to see Barney in boxers and a t-shirt singing karaoke very off tune

"_This place about to bloooooooooooow blooooooooooow. This place about to blooooooooow bloooooooow!"_

"We _need_ to get his job back." Ted said

"First priority." Robin said and they left

A few weeks later

Barney's old boss called him in to talk to him. This gave him a reason to put on pants. As Barney was waiting he saw the back of a brunette in a trench coat who pulled out her phone and said  
>"Hey it worked. Yah, and I didn't even have to sleep with him." Barney smiled and chuckled knowing that his friends had his back.<p>

Blow by: Ke$ha


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry for not updating in a really long time. I was really busy, then went on holiday. Hope you enjoy and please review so I can get better!

**Future Ted: "Robin was dating James, the surgeon from the coffee shop, for the last few months and it was going quite well. He loved her and understood her. She felt the same. We all loved him and he loved us."**

"Hey guys!" James said and sat down in the booth, with Ted, Marshall, and Lily, they greeted him and James said "I have something I need to ask you."

"Shoot," said Marshall

"I really love Robin; I could give her a great life."

"Are you asking what I think you're asking?" Lilly asked excited

"If you think I'm asking for your blessing, than yes, it is what you think." He said and pulled out a ring box. Inside was a stunning 18 carat diamond ring with little diamonds around it and platinum band, it wasn't big or gaudy. It was perfect.

The gang looked at each other and Ted said with a smile "Take care of her."

"Great! Thank you so much, I will!" James said excited

X

About a week later at the roof of James' Upper East Side penthouse after seeing a play and having dinner

"Hey Robin," he looked into her eyes as the city lights and clear night sky was around them "I love you,"

"I love you too."

"I want to make you happy, all the days of your life, I always want you by my side, ever since you sat next to me at the coffee shop, I was under your enchanting spell." Robin knew what was coming, she didn't try to stop him, happy tears started to break free. He went on one knee and said "Robin Scherbatsky, will you do me the honor of being my wife?" More tears rolled down her face as she looked at the beautiful ring,

"Yes!" she replied with delight and he put the ring on her finger and they shared a long passionate kiss.

X

The next day at Ted's place

The whole gang was there, when Robin and James came in. Barney noticed she had an ear to ear smile and a glow about her, well to him she normally had a glow, but this time, it was different.

"Last night, James proposed, and I accepted!" she said excited and showed her ring. Barney looked as if he was just hit by a bus, again. He tried not to show it, he tried to be happy for her.

Patrick, her partner and former wedding planner, decided to plan her wedding pro bono. Robin was so happy. Barney tried to be happy for her, but he couldn't. So, whenever Robin was talking about the wedding he made an excuse to leave, Even if it was from his own place.

X

Wedding day

Robin stood in front of the full length mirror looking at herself in her captivating, not puffy, long, chic, white dress decorated with diamonds and cream trim. She tried not to cry as Lily stood behind her.

"You look beautiful, he's gonna love it."

"I know and I'm trying not to cry."

"I have hairy nipples." Lily said smiling

Robin smiled and said "Thanks, do you?"

"No, but worked, didn't it." Lily said and Robin chuckled

Barney got James alone in his dressing room he said

"So, you're marrying our Robin today. You told me you always wanted to do so many things before you settled down."

"Yah, but Robin's the only thing that is important to me now."

"What was that the thing always wanted to do but never did?" Barney asked knowing the answer

"Joining Doctors Without Borders,"

"Oh yes, that's what it was, helping those in need. Tell me, when you're with Robin in your plush penthouse, wont a sliver of you mind go back to those starving, sick, and dying children back in those war torn countries. In your dreams, will they come up to you and ask why you can't help them? When you say you can't will they say it's because you're putting your selfish needs above theirs? You'll keep living your rich lifestyle, while for them, every day is a struggle for survival."

"I can take Robin with me if I ever decide to join."

"I know Robin, she's a city girl, she won't want to live in shacks or huts in war torn countries. If you go without her, will she still be there when you get back years later? Maybe she'll adjust to single life again and won't want to have you around when you get back."

"I can't back out now"

"You can silently"

So James wrote her a note and said to Barney "Tell her I'm sorry and I still love her."

"Will do" Barney said, he wasn't going to do it. His plan had worked.

Barney went into Robin's dressing room and saw her in her captivating dress and said

"Here, James asked me to give this to you" He said and gave her the note

_This is my excavation and to-day is kumran. Everything that happens from now on. This is pouring rain this is paralyzed._

She smiled and grabbed it. She read it,

"_Dear Robin,_

_ I love you with all my heart, but I have to do some things before I get married. I'm joining Doctors Without Borders. I hope to see you in a few years. Remember I still you love and I'm sorry for what I'm going to put you through._

_ Love, _

_ James" _Robin sat on the bed and started to cry.

_I kept throwing it down two-hundred at a time. It's hard to find it when you knew it. When your money's gone and you're drunk as hell. _

Ted and Marshall came in and started to comfort her with Lily and Barney.

_On your back with your racks as the stacks you load. In the back and the racks and you're un-stacking your load._ _Well I've been twisting to the sun and the moon. I needed to replace the fountain in the front yard is rusted out. All my love was down in a frozen ground. There's a black crow sitting across from me. His wiry legs are crossed. He is dangling my keys, he even fakes a toss. Whatever could it be that has brought me to- this loss? On your back with your racks as the stacks are your load. In the back and the racks and the stacks of your load. In the back with your racks and you're un-stacking your load. This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization. It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away. Your love will be safe with me._

X

Later that day Lily came to Robin's dressing room only to see that the door was locked. She heard people having sex. She then heard Robin say something that she _defiantly_ didn't want to hear.

"Au, fuck me fuck me fuck me! Fuck me till I can't remember today oh just fuck me!" With a lot of grunting

Lily then thought "_Okay, well I guess she's okay now." _She then wondered _"Who's in there?"_

Re:Stacks by; Bon Iver.


	9. Unbreakable

Robin walked into the bar and sat down, Ted said

"Hey, you've finally left the bedroom. I thought I'd have to pull you out."

"I might wanna go back later."

"I'll make sure I'm not there."

**Future Ted: "The reason behind that was that about a week ago, Robin was left at the altar. She dealt with it much differently than I did. I moved on and pretended it didn't happen. Along with making sure I didn't run into her. Robin, she got a new friend. Not the traditional kind of friend, a **_**special **_**friend." **

Robin's phone rang, she got a new text.

"Oh" she said kind of excited and read the message, Ted looked over and said

"Wow, that's really explicit."

"Oh let me see!" Said Barney excitedly and grabbed the phone and read the message "_Niiice_"

"You know what happens in this kinds of relationships. Someone always gets hurt."

**Future Ted: "Damn it Lily, Why do you always have to be right."**

"We set boundaries and rules. We'll be fine."

"No you wont be. Someone's gonna get hurt."

She got another message and said she had to go. A little bit later Barney had to leave.

A few days later

**Future Ted: "It seemed as if Robin was always getting it on. But we all wondered who was she getting it on with? One day, we found out."**

Ted, Marshall, and Lily walked into Ted's apartment to hear the sound of people having sex. Ted said,

"O my God! They have been getting it on for_ hours!_ Who the hell does she have in there?"

"Maybe a sex champion." Marshall said and the both looked at him like, what the fuck?

They were about to leave _again_ when they heard someone scream.

They heard Robin from behind the door saying "Oh my God oh my God oh my God! You're dick is swollen!" They rest of the group looked at each other when they heard another scream and Robin say "I think it's broken!" They rest of the group looked at each other and Ted said

"You gotta call Barney!"

"Already on it." Marshall said and dialed Barney's number. Then they heard Barney's ringtone coming from the room. They all look at each other again and Marshall busts the door open to see Barney in tears and Robin with an oh fuck, look on her face. The other three start hysterically laughing.

They managed to get Barney to a hospital with Marshall, Lily, and Ted, that had a very hard time holding in their laughter.

X

The Hospital

They were all in Barney's room. When Ted asked

"How did this happen?"

"How do you think it happened!" Barney snarked back

'Well I know _that_, but like what were you doing when you were doing _that_?" Ted asked

"Some exotic thing, I'm not really sure." Robin said

The doctor came in and said "Well Mr. Stinson, you can be discharged now, but you have to reframe from _any_ type of sexual activity for a few weeks." Marshall's face lit up and the doctor left. Marshall went over and slapped him on the face hard.

"_Oh_" Barney said in pain and held his cheek. "That was hard."

"Something you won't be for a while." Robin remarked and Barney gave her a I'm gonna kill you look and Robin back away.

"What the hell was that?" Asked a concerned wife

"A few years back Barney and I made a slapbet." Marshall informed

"When?" asked Lily

"2009" Barney said

_2009 Barney and Marshall are on a "conference call"_

"_Dave from accounting, just broke his you know what." Marshall said_

_Barney started to chuckle and asked "How the hell does someone do that."_

"_A hammer fell on it when he was, reading a magazine."_

_Barney let out an understanding "Ooooooooh. I'm unbreakable."_

"_You so sure about that. First of all I have a bus that disagrees with you. Second of all, you think that you can be unbreakable."_

"_yah"_

"_Slapbet it." Barney looked confused "If you can go ten years without breaking anything, you can slap me five times from here to enternity and I get five more."_

"_Deal!" _

"So I have five more slaps!" Marshall said with some excitement and enthusiasm.

X

Later at Ted's apartment

Ted rented a few movies and Barney asked

"What did you get?"

"Oh, just a few classics, The Ass Menagerie, Fun with_ Dick_ and Jane, Sex Architect."

"I hate you." and Ted started to chuckle

X

About three weeks later. Robin went to Lily and Marshall's late one night. Lily opened the door and knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant."


	10. Chapter 10

"What's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant." Lily didn't know how to respond, she wanted to be happy, but she knew that this wasn't a good thing. Robin didn't want or really like kids, sure Robin liked her son but, this was going to be Robin and Barney's child. Barney, of all people; Robin continued "I don't know what to do."

Lily then asked the question that always came after you hear news like this, "Are you sure?"

"Ten tests and ten days late sure."

Lily again, didn't know what to say to comfort her best friend "Come in,"

Robin came in and collapsed on the couch. Lily asked her if she wanted some tea to calm down. Robin declined. Lily then asked "When are you gonna tell him?"

"I don't know. I don't know about anything right now." Lily knew Robin didn't be pestered about what she was going to do next, she couldn't handle it. They just sat there in silence, neither of them knew what to say. Then, they heard cries from Nicolas's baby monitor.

Lily thought "_Just perfect freaking timing, Nick,_" and got up to tend to him.

"Can I observe? I'll probably be doing it soon."

"Certainly."

They were in Nicolas's nursery when Robin said "Even if I tried to talk to him he probably wouldn't want to. He's so fucking stubborn."

Lily thought "_Hope the child doesn't inherit that,"_ But said "He'll be better in a few weeks when he can use his penis again."

"Lily, I need to say this,"

"What?"

"I don't think that I can provide a good home for this child."

"Course you can"

"I work 50 hour weeks. That's on a good week. I don't even know if I can be a good mother. Kids are okay in small doses, but I don't think I can do this. Barney, I don't even know if he'll be there. If he is, he works a lot, don't know on what, but he does."

"What do you mean?" she then gasped "O my God, are you gonna get a-" Robin interrupted her and said

"I wanna give the baby up for adoption."

Lily sighed but she knew that this would be the best thing for all involved. She said "So, you're not gonna tell Barney."

"I don't know what I'm gonna tell him."

"I know," Lily said

"You know what?"

"I know what we're gonna tell him."

"What?"

XX

The Bar the next day

They were all at the bar and Lily and Marshall decided to make an announcement

"Hey guys! We have something big to tell you." Marshall said

"What?" asked Ted

"I think we'll have _Robin_ tell it." Lily said

"I'm pregnant" she said and Barney spit his scotch out and exclaimed

"WHAT!"

"I should explain." Lily said

"Yes, yes, please do!" Barney said eagerly

"Marshall and I want to extend our family. The doctor said that it probably won't happen, sadly, so, we asked Robin to be a donor in artificial insemination. With much hesitation, she obviously agreed."

"Wait, Robin and Marshall are having a kid?" Barney asked

"No, its Lily's kid, it's just that Lily isn't carrying it." Marshall informed

"I thought you had super sperm and eggs?" Ted asked

"Turns out, that's wrong." Lily said sympatricly

"I'll buy the next round, minus Robin" Barney said and left

"There's something wrong" Ted said seriously

"What, there's nothing wrong." Marshall said trying to keep the secret.

**Future Ted: "Kids, I always know when your Uncle Marshall is lying, because he sucks at it."**

"She's not pregnant because of artificial insemination is she?" Ted said and looked at Robin who looked at Lily and Marshall. "It's Barney's isn't it? You're giving the baby to them when it's born aren't you?" Ted asked seriously

"You're right." Robin said "You going tell him?"

"No," Ted said.

"Why?" asked Marshall

"It's the best thing for all involved." Ted said

"Thanks, Ted" Robin said and smiled


	11. Just a Dream

Three months later

Robin had to go to a formal event for work and was digging through her closet for something to wear with Ted sitting on the edge of her bed.

"So, what is this event for again?"

"Patrick caught the Poop Killer and almost died doing it."

"The Poop Killer?" Ted asked

"Yah, with each victim there was a pile of his poop next to them."

Ted just looked very confused and said "And he gets an award _because_"

"He was shot three times and still cuffed the guy. How about this?" she asked modeling a white dress

"Sure, if you were going to your shift as a stripper. It's busting at the seams." Robin wrestles to take off the dress, throws it down and continues looking, when she complained

"Ahh, nothing fits me!"

"And whose fault is that?" he asked sarcastically, Robin threw a high heel at him and Ted chuckled.

X

Three months later, the Bar

**Future Ted: "There are many little events that happened that led me to your Mother. This is the story of one of those events. New York was going through its worst heat wave in decades and…"**

Ted came in and commented "Those clouds are really _really_ dark. It's kind of concerning."

"Yah, I saw on the news today that a big storm's gonna come in soon." Lily informed "Hey, later you should all come to our place to hang out. We have air conditioning." She continued

**Future Ted: "After what transpired later that night, we never made it to Lily and Marshall's."**

"Sure"

"Certainly"

"Awesome" They replied.

"Hey, we have to go, I have my doctor's appointment. Anybody wanna come?" She asked sarcastically

"No." replied Barney

"Her doctor's a woman, and she's cute." Lily lied about her being cute.

"Count me in!" Barney said eagerly

"Hey, do you have that movie you borrowed last week?" Marshall asked

"Yah, you can come up and get it, I was going to go up anyway." Ted said

"Cool" Marshall said and they heard a very loud clap of thunder

"Maybe you guys should wait here till it passes." Lily said

"The apartment is like 30 steps from here. We'll be fine" Ted said

**Future Ted: "We weren't."**

"Crap, my appointment is in, like, 20 minutes." Robin said concerned

"We can't go out in this weather." Lily said

"I'll get the cab while you guys stand in here so you won't have to wait outside." Barney volunteered

Robin suddenly jerked and got a weird expression on her face. Everyone looked at her with concern.

"I think the baby just kicked." She said a little confused, but she instinctively grabbed Barney's hand and put it on her belly, he got this amazed look on his face and was speechless. It was a really touching moment, until a monstrous clap of thunder broke it up. Marshall and Ted went up to the apartment and Barney went to get the cab. Lily, Robin and Barney got in the cab and were off. Marshall and Ted walked out into truly horrible conditions.

**Future Ted: "Kids, I seriously couldn't see two inches in front of me, it was raining that hard."**

The wind was blowing at least 60 mph, pouring buckets would be a very loose term to describe how much it was raining. Marshall called out

"A little to the left!" but Ted could hardly hear him. They walked a few steps but they couldn't find the staircase leading up to the apartment building. Little did they know that they already passed it. They started to wave their hands through the rain was they walked trying to find somewhere to retreat. The once busy streets were now ghost towns. Ted saw lights that must have been from a store window he yelled

"Over here! Follow the light!" Marshall mistook him and said

"No, Ted! Don't follow the light!" thinking of something different. Ted then reached the store and started to bang on the locked door. Then, a gigantic gust of wind came by and shattered the glass which flew and hit Ted. Luckily he brought a coat because he thought it was gonna rain, so he was somewhat protected there; but some flew into his eyes and he fell onto the sidewalk with his hands over his bleeding eyes. Marshall ran over to him, he heard Ted yelling in pain and tried to call 911. An ambulance came to get Ted.

X

Robin's doctor

The three ran into the building trying to seek shelter from the rain. They got into the elevator and Robin pressed the button for the fortieth floor. It was an normal elevator ride, but when it got to the thirty-eighth floor it suddenly jerked and stopped.

"Fuck!" Robin said "It's stuck. Power must've gone out." Barney started to take deep breaths

"What's wrong?" asked Lily

"I'm claustrophobic." Barney admitted

"It'll be okay, I'll call my doctor and he'll call maintenance and get us out of here." Robin said causally "It'll be okay" and tried to comfort her friend and baby daddy. She got out her phone and called her doctor.

"Hey, I'm coming I'm just stuck in the elevator. Yah, yah, ooh, unhuh. Alright come quick, my friend is claustrophobic and as fun as it would be to see him freak out, I need to get to my appointment." And she hung up and informed the others. "She's calling maintenance, apparently there's blackouts all over Manhattan." They where stuck for a while after were all sitting on the floor waiting for movement when suddenly the elevator started to plummet down Barney and Lily screamed, they were all terrified, they thought they were going to die. Robin crawled over to Barney and admitted her biggest secret before she thought she was going to die.

"Barney! The baby isn't Marshall and Lily's! It's yours!" Then, the elevator stopped and the doors whammed open as if they were as shocked to the news as much as Barney was. Barney got up and walked out.

XX

Hospital ER, Ted's bed

Lily and Robin ran over to Ted and Marshall and Lily gave Marshall a huge hug.

"What the hell happened to you?" Robin asked concerned about the bandages over Ted's eyes.

"We missed the steps to the apartment and I banged on what I thought was a store door, it was really a window, and the wind shattered the glass and it went into my eyes. Doctor says I just have to wear these bandages for a few days and I'll be fine."

Knowing that Ted would be okay, Robin spoke frankly "Who would do something that stupid? Going out in a rainstorm like that! At least we had a cab!"

"Is Barney here? If he is, he's been unusually quiet." Ted asked, then Robin's face went from concern to sadness. Lily started to explain,

"The elevator got stuck, a while after that it plummeted, we all thought that we were gonna die, and because of that," Lily paused "She told him, the doors flung open and he walked out."

"Oh my God," Ted said "I'm so sorry, Robin."

XX

GNB about two weeks later

Marshall was near Barney's office, no one had seen or heard from him since, _that night._ Marshall had a copy of Robin's ultrasound and decided to slip it under Barney's door. Just in case. After that, Marshall's boss told him

"Hey! I have a great opportunity for you!" and handed him a plane ticket. Marshall looked at him, he noticed that the plane number was his birthyear, 1978.

"As much as I would just love to work in," he looked back down at the ticket "North Korea, I have a family, I'm sorry"

"Damn, we needed a good lawyer. Oh well we have five others already booked for the trip." Marshall still didn't know what GNB did with the North Koreans, but he really didn't want to find out.

"Alright. Hey, is Stinson in?" his boss asked

"No" Marshall replied.

"Alright, I'll just wait for him then." He said and Marshall left.

X

About a week later

Lily, Marshall, Ted, and Robin were watching a movie at the apartment. Ted was sitting in the chair near the door and Robin had her feet lying across Marshall and Lily. Robin paused the movie because she had to pee. After Robin left the doorbell rang. Ted got up and answered it

_It two weeks after the day she turned eighteen_

There were two men in suits at the door the first man said "Are you Ted Mosby? Emergency contact of Barney Stinson?" Ted looked over at Lily and she nodded her head Ted answered

"Yes, what's wrong?"

_All dressed in white, goin' to the church that night._

The second man said "We're from the Coast Guard, flight 1978 was hit by lightning over the Pacific Ocean. It went down, there were no survivors." Ted, Marshall, and Lily's stomach's fell, they were shocked and upset at the same time. They didn't know what to think.

Robin came out of the bathroom and asked "Who are they?"

_She had his box of letter in the passenger seat, six pence in a shoe, somethin' borrowed, somethin' blue_

Ted slowly turned to her and said in shock "Barney was in a plane crash, he didn't survive."

_And when the church doors opened up wide, she put her veil down, tryin' to hide the tears. Oh, she just couldn't believe it_

Robin didn't believe it "No, no, no, he realized he made a mistake and paid these guys so we'd take him back."

The first guy said "I'm so sorry ma'am, if you don't believe us, turn on the news." So she did, and she said in shock

"No, no, no, no, NO!" _ She heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands. _Robin fell to the floor in uncontrollable sobs as her friends gathered around her trying to comfort her.

_Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was countin' on forever now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm lookin' from a distance, standin' in the background everybody's sayin' "he's not comin' home now." This can't be happenin' to me, this is just a dream_

"I'm so sorry for your loss." The second man said but Robin didn't hear him over her sobs

_The preacher man said "Let's bow our heads and pray". Lord, please lift his soul, and heal this hurt, then the congregation all stood up and sang, the saddest song, that she ever heard_

Robin's uncontrollable sobs lighten as the first man looked at her and said "Are your Robin?" She nodded and he continued "As the wreckage was being recovered we found one of the doors, it had something tied to it. It had your name on it." He said and handed her a folded, weathered, beaten up tie, she clutched it toward her chest.

_And then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him_

Lily pointed to some writing with Sharpie on the back Robin turned it over and read it aloud through her tears

"_Robin,_

_ I've loved you for so long, more than anything. I already love our baby and wish I could've seen it, I know it will be awesome. Keep on being your awesome self._

_ Love,_

_ Barney_"

And she collapsed on the floor again in uncontrollable sobs and her friends tried to comfort her. _Oh, and what could've been, and then the guns rang one last shot and it felt like, a bullet in her heart Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was countin' on forever now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm lookin' from a distance standin' in the background, everybody's sayin', "He's not comin' home now" this can't be happenin' to me, this is just a dream._

Just a Dream by; Carrie Underwood


	12. I'll See You All Again Someday

**Review and you'll make my day! Without you guys, I don't know if I'm doing well or not.**

Robin walked into her daughter's hospital room and she said

"Look Mommy! Uncle Ted brought me a book!" she said and raised it up

"That's great, sweetie!" she said trying to be happy, she loved her daughter so much, being a single mother was hard, she loved her four year old more than she ever thought she could love someone, especially a kid.

"Mommy, could you read me this poem?" she asked and put the upside book on her mom's lap.

"Sure, sweetie." She picked up the book and started to read from the opened page "Daddy's Day by; Cheryl Costello-Forshey." She began

"Her hair was up in a ponytail,

her favorite dress tied with a bow.

Today was Daddy's Day at school,

And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,

That she probably should stay home.

Why the kids might not understand,

If she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;

She knew just what to say.

What to tell her classmates

Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,

For her to face this day alone.

And that was why once again,

She tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school,

Eager to tell them all.

About a dad she never sees

A dad who never calls."

**Robin started to get a little choked up but she maintained it.**

"There were daddies along the wall in back,

For everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently,

Anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called,

A student from the class.

To introduce their daddy,

As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,

Every child turned to stare.

Each of them was searching,

For a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"

She heard a boy call out.

"She probably doesn't have one,"

Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,

She heard a daddy say,

"Looks like another deadbeat dad,

too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,

As she smiled up at her Mom.

And looked back at her teacher,

Who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,

Slowly she began to speak.

And out from the mouth of a child,

Came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,

Because he lives so far away.

But I know he wishes he could be,

Since this is such a special day."

**A single tear ran down Robin's face**

"And though you cannot meet him,

I wanted you to know.

All about my daddy,

And how much he loves me so."

**Robin was trying to fight the tears**

"He loved to tell me stories

He taught me to ride my bike.

He surprised me with red roses,

And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,

And ice cream in a cone.

And though you cannot see him,

I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,

Even though we are apart

I know because he told me,

He'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,

And lay across her chest.

Feeling her own heartbeat,

Beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,

Her mother stood in tears.

Proudly watching her daughter,

Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love

Of a man not in her life.

Doing what was best for her,

Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,

Staring straight into the crowd.

She finished with a voice so soft,

But its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,

He's my shining star.

And if he could, he'd be here,

But heaven's just too far."

Robin couldn't hold the tears any longer, they broke out and her daughter asked

"Why you crying, Mommy?"

"I'm just thinking of your daddy, that's all." She said "Remember what I told you about him?" she asked

"Yah, my daddy sounds legin-wait-for-it" and hands for her to wait "dary!" she exclaimed and raised her hands in a ta-da fashionand Robin chuckled trying to fight the tears, she knew that a piece of him still lived on in her daughter.

"Will I be with Daddy soon?" she asked and Robin's fear got a million times worse, she responded sweetly

"Well, I need you here, sweetie. I hope you don't meet Daddy for a long time because I want to be with you for a long time, remember how we discussed that?"

"Yah, can you finish it, Mommy?" she asked and pointed to the book

"Sure" she said sweetly and continued "But sometimes when I close my eyes,

It's like he never went away."

And then she closed her eyes,

And saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,

She witnessed with surprise.

A room full of daddies and children,

All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,

Who knows what they felt inside.

Perhaps for merely a second,

They saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"

To the silence she called out."

And what happened next made believers,

of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,

For each of their eyes had been closed.

But there on the desk beside her,

Was a fragrant long-stemmed red rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,

By the love of her shining bright star.

And given the gift of believing,

That heaven is never too far."

X

Ted finally woke up Robin and she said without opening her eyes "Please say that when I open my eyes. I'll be able to see my feet, we'll go down to the bar, Barney will brag about a conquest and everything will be fine."

Ted looked at her with sympathy and said "I'm sorry. We have to go."

They had to go to Barney's memorial service. His body wasn't recovered. All they had left, was his tie. Marshall and Ted just wore regular clothes, Robin wore a short dress and so did Lily.

X

When they arrived at the service they were so many people. Mostly women, and some fishy looking North Koreans. There was the portrait Lily painted of Barney a few years back, and a beautiful headshot portrait. They met with his mother, brother, brother-in-law, and nephew. A little later, the service began. They all spoke, his mother went up first

_Little boy six years old. A little too use to bein' alone._

"Barney was the cutest child, he was so happy all the time…"

_Another new mom and dad. Another school another house that'll never be home._ James went up next.

"Barney was just, the best brother. Even when we were younger he was still the more awesome... I always protected him when we were young. Now he's protecting me."

_When people ask him how likes this place he looks up and says with a smile upon his face, "This is my temporary home, It's not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I'm passn' through. This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going. I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home." _Marshall spoke next.

"… I remember that we would do "conference calls" at work. One would go into the other's office and say that the conference call was about to start, and we'd go out on the roof and drink beer. He'd throw empties at pigeons, I always said that they have feelings and you shouldn't do it. He still did it. He always did what and who he wanted... I'm gonna miss ya buddy."

_Young mom on her own. She needs a little help got nowhere to go. She's lookin for a job lookin for a way out. Because a half-way house will never be a home._

"Barney always came to me with feelings." Lily started "When he first admitted he was in love with Robin he came to me, it was kinda funny seeing him calling her…" she then continued "Nothing's gonna be the same without you."

_At night she whispers to her baby girl, "Someday we'll find our place here in this world."_

"Let's face it, Barney was a jackass." Robin started "But, he was my jackass. We were so dysfunctional as a couple." She started to chuckle at the memories "I remember when Marshall and Lily invited us over for a couple's night. It was freaking awful. Marshall kept putting a camera in front of us. Lily shoved platters of food in our faces, and Marshall was very in your face about his Gouda."

_This is our temporary home. It's not where we belong. Windows and rooms that we're passin through. _

"Then, when he tried to make me American, he drilled me _so hard_, we studied hard too. He stood up for me in Tim Horton's and then got the crap knocked out of him, for me. We broke up because we didn't work, I knew that he stilled loved me, and I still love him." She pulled the tie from her purse showed the note side to the crowd and said "This is how I know he still loves me. This says that he loves me, he wishes he could've seen our baby and to keep being awesome." A single tear escaped and ran down Robin's face. "I'll keep on being awesome," and she looked toward the heavens and said "and you look after our baby."

_This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going. I'm not afraid because I know, this is our temporary home._

Ted walked up and started "You're probably wondering why we aren't in formal attire. Because a few years back, we went to a funeral for this guy who worked in our hangout, Matt"

"Mark" Lily corrected

"Mark, to his funeral, he wore jeans and a t-shirt. He said "suits are full of joy, the sartorial equivalent to a baby's smile." Sartorial meaning of or pertaining to tailors or their traits. Whenever I would say that Marshall was my best friend he would claim that he's my best friend too. He always claimed that, he was a great friend, my best friend. He always wanted me to suit up." Ted looked up toward the sky and then held up his hand for a high five and said "Heaven High Five!" he then said solemnly "Awesome."

_Old man hospital bed. The room is filled with people he loves. _

_**And he whispers "don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday."**_

_He looks up and says, "I can see God's face." This is my temporary home it's not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through. This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going. I'm not afraid because I know… this was my temporary home. This is our temporary home._

X

The Wake, the Bar

"Where's Robin?" asked Ted

"I think she went upstairs."

"I don't want her to be alone." Ted said "I'm gonna go up there with her."

Marshall looked at Lily and said "We'll come to."

They went up to the apartment and saw Robin just lying on the couch with the tie. They all gathered around her and tried to comfort her. Ted said

"I remember when we licked the Liberty Bell." Ted said

"I remember when we all kept calling him Swarley." Robin said and chuckled

"I never got my other five slaps." Marshall said and Ted put his hand on his shoulder

"I remember Barney marrying us outside with the acoustic guitar and just our closest friends." Lily said and smiled

"I remember having Slapsgiving, twice. With the four people I love most in the world; and Bob." Ted said

"I remember when he did my video resume and kept on making up words, like possimple, linkativy, and dyanamism." Robin said

"We had kids but never saw Barney's doppleganger." Lily said just realizing it.

"Well, now it will be even more speacil when we do." Marshall said and hugged his wife, "I remember when you" he looked at Ted "and him went out for St. Patty's Day and he kept on saying that there was no tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Temporary Home by; Carrie Underwood<p> 


	13. I'm on a Boat

**Review and you'll make my day! I want to get better and hear what you guys think!**

Marshall, Lily, Ted, and Robin went to the reading of Barney's will. When they got into the large office of the lawyer, Lily asked Marshall

"Why didn't he ask you to draft up his will."  
>"I don't know?" Marshall said wondering<p>

"Let's get to it shall we." The lawyer said and they all sat down in front of the huge mahogany desk. The lawyer started to read "This is the latest edition of my will and all other are useless." He scanned and said "Alright I'll have to skip the part about Weekend at Bernie's. Alright, aa" she scanned through the will looking for the next part, "Ah, here we are, "To my Mother, I leave two million dollars and my apartment. Love you Mom, enjoy!" The group looked at each other very surprised at the amount of money. "To my brother, James, I leave half of my suits, and to my nephew, one of my most precious possessions, wait-for-it, (person that's reading this actually wait for it or else I'll haunt you.)" and Ted leaned toward Marshall and said

"Now we know who wrote it."

The lawyer paused for a few seconds then continued "(person that reading this say it with much enthusiasm)"

"Yah, he totally wrote it" Marshall leaned in and said to Ted

"The Bro Code! Keep on being awesome bro." the lawyer said with enthusiasm and continued "Marshall and Lily, I leave you five million dollars for your kid's college and other kids and have in the future. I know Marshall never told you but he was afraid he couldn't afford it." The gang looked at each other in amazement and Robin asked

"Seriously! What did he do for a living!"  
>"It says here," said the lawyer<p>

"WHAT!" the gang said eager to learn

"Haha, please," the lawyer read and they lost their eagerness and sighed, he continued "To Ted, who was my _best friend_, yah Marshall, he is. To _my best friend_, I leave the other half of my suits, and wait-for-it, The Playbook! You'll need it to pick up women now that _your best friend_ can't be your wingman. To Marshall and Ted, I bestow unto you, wait-for-it, (person reading this say this with a lot of enthusiasm), my share in the Lusty Leopard Strip Club!"

"What!" asked Marshall and Ted wanting to see the will

"There's still one more section." The lawyer said and read the last part of the will "Robin, if your hearing this, I wish I could've told you myself. When I returned home from the business trip, (which I already signed up for before I knew about the baby) and I was going to tell you how much I love you and how much I would love to raise our child." Robin didn't know if she should believe him or not. The lawyer continued "You probably don't believe me, I just needed time to digest it, that's all. After that, I got preparations ready for us and our child. I was going to lead you to an beautiful apartment for us to raise our child in. Now, I leave it to you, it might still be under construction, depending on when you read this. It's at 70 Little West Street, Battery Park, along with twenty million dollars." They all looked at Robin and she's just sat there in amazement,

"Okay, seriously, what did he do for a living!" Lily said wanting to know

"haha, please" the lawyer read

"That's in Tribeca." Ted said and before he could finish Marshall said

"Damn was he loaded!"

"That's what I was going to say!" Ted said

* * *

><p>Ted and Marshall decided to check out their new business venture a little later.<p>

"Hi!" The owner came up to them and gave them a huge hug. Ted and Marshall both thought it was weird, a huge three way man hug in a strip club. "I'm Alan. So glad to have you here, I'm so sorry about Barney."

"How much did Barney own?" Marshall asked

"Half"

"Half!" asked Ted

"Well, with you two you each own a quarter!" Alan was overly happy and then said "Hi, Jasmine," to a passing stripper

"Oh my God!" Ted said in shock "That's Stripper Lily! Never actually saw her in person before. Wow, she does look just like Lily!"

"I know right!" Marshall said agreeing

* * *

><p>A few days later Robin was sitting on the couch next to Ted and when she said<p>

"I want to see the apartment."

Ted knew she was getting better and said "Certainly"

They went to the building with a doorman and an awning over the door. They went in and the man welcome them and tilted his hat to them. They walked into the beautiful lobby with glass walls and hardwood floors, a beautiful water fountain in the middle with a concierge desk to the left of it. Robin was amazed and Ted started to pick out the architectural gems. A man came to them from the concierge desk and said

"Ah, Ms. Scherbatsky, we've been expecting you! Come with me." The man went to the elevator with Robin and Ted behind him. The man motioned to the elevator attendant which button to push. He pressed the penthouse button. They arrived at two white doors with gold trims. The man opened the door to see a beautiful white hallway with some paintings on the wall. To the right was a beautiful terrace, overlooking Manhattan, which the sunlight poured into. Ted once again, started to pick out the architectural gems, as Robin slowly walked in in awe. Ted left to see the hallway again and Robin was just amazed, a maid came up to her and said

"Oh, Ms. Scherbatsky, you're ever more beautiful than Mr. Stinson described. Welcome, we've been expecting you!" Robin smiled and seemed to have a magnetic attraction to a room that had a big red bow on the door. She walked slowly and got close to the closed door when Ted came in and said with excitement

"Oh my God! You're neighbors are Caroline Kennedy and Robert De Niro!" Robin looked at Ted and said

"Look" and Ted went over to the door and Robin opened it. It was a whimsical yellow walled, naturally well-lit nursery with white carpets, with a small terrace across the room. All it needed was a baby. Robin and Ted walked in in awe, Robin looked at the beautiful crib and changing table, the happy zoo animal's on the walls smiled at her. All Robin could do was smile in awe, she ran hand across the animals on the wall. She saw a white dresser and matching stocked bookshelf, a toy chest was near a closet and then she saw a rocking chair next to the bookshelf and said,

"He was going to come back for us," and Robin looked down at her stomach, And Ted smiled, he didn't know what to say.

* * *

><p>He woke up, he wondered where he was, it seemed like he was on a boat. He felt the waves he sat up in the bed and a white, brunette woman came in and said<p>

"Hey! You're up! I was starting to think you were dead like all the others." And he looked around the cabin a little confused.


	14. Chapter 14

**Review and you'll make my day! I want to know how I'm doing!**

He woke up, he wondered where he was, it seemed like he was on a boat. He felt the waves he sat up in the bed and a white, brunette woman came in and said

"Hey! You're up! I was starting to think you were dead like all the others." And he looked around the cabin a little confused.

"Where am I?" Barney asked

"Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean," the woman said "I'm Dr. Emily, by the way."

"How long have I been here?"

"About two weeks. I would've gotten you to a hospital so much sooner, but my GPS broke and now it's hard to get back to land. Do you remember your name?" and Barney thought for a moment and said unsure

"Barney?" and looked at her

"Don't look at me I don't know the answer."

"Barney sounds familiar."

"What's the last thing you remember, Barney?"

"I remember getting on a plane"

"That makes sense because I found you near a plane crash with two others, you were the only one that was somewhat alive." Barney was amazed, Emily continued "I didn't find a phone or wallet, just this," she said and pulled out a picture, "An ultrasound for a, Robin Scherbatsky, does that name sound familiar?"

"Yeah, it does." And Emily took a closer look at the ultrasound and said

"Congrats, whatever relation you have to Robin, she having a baby girl."

* * *

><p>Ted came into the Bar and said<p>

"I think that I'm going to become a priest." And the other three looked confused "I did something awful,"

"What?" asked Lily

"I accidently used my dead best friend's memory to get me laid."

"TED!" yelled the group and Robin threw a water bottle at him.

"How do you do that?" asked Marshall

"Well, I was chatting up this girl and she asked why I was depressed and I said why and next thing I know we're up in my apartment having sex," and Marshall held up his hand for a high five, Lily pulled it down angey.

"Oh, come on, _someone_ has to do it." Marshall said and gave Ted the high five

* * *

><p>Emily saw Barney looing over the edge of the boat. Emily came up to him and said<p>

"According to my map we should be in California soon."

"It's all hazy, I don't really know anything."

"It'll all be alright."

* * *

><p>Later, Ted and Robin were watching TV when it was interrupted by a special report. Ted got up and went into the kitchen for a drink. Robin watched the report<p>

"A survivor was brought to a hospital today from flight 1978 that crashed into the Pacific Ocean two weeks ago. Caucasian Male, mid-thirties, and had a ultrasound from a, Miss Robin Scherbatsky. If you know who this man is then call the number on your screen."

Robin yelled "Ted! Get in here You have to see this!"

"What?" Ted asked as he entered the living room

"Here!" Robin played it back for Ted. They were so happy! They called Marshall and Lily and met them at the airport.

"This is really a miracle," Marshall said

"Not a miracle," Robin said

"Oh come on! Really, a guy came back from the dead," Marshall said

"Barney's smart. He came up with an escape route with no help from miracles," Robin said

* * *

><p>They got to the hospital, they were so excited to see Barney. They calmed down once they got to his room. They went in and Ted said a friendly<p>

"Hey, Buddy!"

"Hello?" Barney asked confused at the people coming toward him

"Do you remember us?" Lily said in a calm friendly voice she used with her students.

"You look familiar, that's it," they all introduced themselves and gave some basic background information.

"Robin. You're the girl whose ultrasound I had. Is that baby?"

"Yeah, it's your baby," Robin said

"Wow," Barney was amazed.

* * *

><p>Sometime later<p>

Barney was walking down the street looking at his phone when he accidently bumped his head on a streetlamp when he wasn't looking. Everything came flooding back. He remembered everything, including right before the plane crashed.

_The plane was shaking, Barney could feel it plunging toward the sea. He knew that was how the Barnacle was going to go. He took off his tie and grabbed a Sharpie from a seat and made his last words to Robin and tied it to the door of the airplane. He then saw a man with a pregnant woman. He remembered Robin, he wouldn't let her die. They strapped nearby seat cushions all over themselves. With Barney encouraging them, they took the plunge. Only one person survived._

* * *

><p><strong>I'm getting busy again so I'll try to put the rest of the story up in a timely manner.<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Review and you'll make my day! :) **

Barney walked into the bar a little upset and mad, Marshall and Ted were there

"What's wrong?' Marshall asked

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" Barney said "It's that stupid pillow!"

"Oh, you have to go through the pillow too?" Marshall asked sympathetically and Ted just sat there confused.

"What's the pillow?" asked Ted

"It's _evil_," Barney said

"It's this long pillow that helps pregnant women sleep," Marshall informed

"So why is it evil?" Ted asked not getting Barney's point.

"You can't get a move in with the stupid pillow!" Barney exclaimed pissed "I should've got her when she was always horney!" he said and looked at Ted and Marshall a little pissed off. "And, she drew eyes on hers! So every time I tried to make a move, I ended up looking at the stupid pillow!"

"Lily actually gave hers to Robin," Marshall said to Barney.

"Screw the pillow!" Barney shouted

"You might have to," Marshall said and Ted just sat there in his confused childless lonesome.

* * *

><p>Marshall, Lily, and Ted were at the bar and Robin just left.<p>

"I'm concerned," Lily said

"About what?" Ted asked

"Barney, Robin, and the baby," Lily said

"Who _isn't_?" Ted asked and took a sip of his drink.

"So, are they going to take the baby?" Marshall asked

"I'm guessing so," Ted said

"I'm really concerned, and scared. They need to learn how to _actually_ take care of a baby." Lily said

"They will be the most dysfunctional parents _ever_," Ted said.

* * *

><p><strong>Future Ted: "Robin was two weeks<strong>_** past**_** her due date at this point."**

Barney came into the bar, Robin was stretched out across one side of the booth. Barney said

"Hey guys!" he looked at Robin and said "Shamoo." Robin looks at him and says

"Come here."

"Why?"

"Just come here." She said and Barney did. Robin karate kicked in the balls and he fell to the floor in pain holding his hurt nuts.

"Oh come on, like you _didn't _see that coming." Marshall looked down and said "Is the finger really necessary?" He continued.

"You're lucky I didn't break it," Robin said pissed.

"_Again_," Lily muttered. Barney finally got up, got a chair and sat down. Robin held her hands on her stomach and flinched. "What's wrong?" Lily asked concerned

"I don't know? I've just having these cramps for the past few hours." Lily then looked really concerned and said concerned,

"Has your water broke?"

"What?" Asked Robin

"Is water coming out of you?" Lily asked frankly

"No, why?"

"How long have you had the cramps and have they gotten closer together?"

"The last few hours and yes they have." Robin noted the concern on Lily's face and got concerned herself. "Lily, what's wrong?"

"You're in labor." Lily said

"WHAT!" Barney and Robin said in shock.

**Future Ted: "Barney and Robin seemed to forget that at some time, the baby would come."**

Barney looked as if he was going to pass out and Robin looked pale and petrified.

* * *

><p>The Hospital<p>

Marshall was taking a video; he turned the camera to him and said

"Hey little one! I'm your Uncle Marshall! That's your Aunt Lily, and Uncle Ted," and he pointed the camera accordingly. "That right there," and he pointed the camera at Robin, "Is your mother."

"TURN OFF THAT FUCKING CAMERA OR I'LL THROW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW!" Robin yelled during a contraction.

"So that your mom" Marshall said and turned the camera to Barney, "And that guy in the corner is your father. In case you don't know." Barney turned around, "His name is Barney, Stinson, B-A-R-N-E-Y S-T-I-"and Barney punched him really hard in the face. Marshall fell to the floor, he turned the camera toward him, holding his hurt eye and said "I guess we solved that issue."

* * *

><p>Robin kept screaming and Barney was of no help. He just stood in the corner petrified. Robin finally calmed down a little when she got the Epidural, but she was still in pain and just started yelling at Barney for their predicament.<p>

**Future Ted: "I witnessed few births. I got the drift, it hurts, **_**a lot**_**. When your mom was in labor with you son, she yelled at me about a small disagreement we had weeks before. Then, finally, it was time."**

"Push!" her doctor yelled and Robin screamed. "Push!" and this continued for a few minutes when finally the doctor said "I can see the head! Final push! Push hard now!" and Robin let out a final push and a final scream and finally, they heard the miraculous sound of a baby crying. Barney turned from his corner and seemed drawn to his daughter. He slowly walked over to Robin as the nurse cleaned up their baby girl. The nurse handed the baby to Robin who just stared at her with amazement. She never felt like that before. Barney looked at his daughter in amazement. Ted, Lily, and Marshall came in and saw them, and the looks on their faces. The looks that words couldn't really describe, Marshall and Lily understood their looks. Ted, Marshall, and Lily, each held her. Until Ted looked at Barney and they each exchanged a look that said a million words. Ted passed the baby over to Barney and he held her for the first time. Barney held her in his arms, the look on his face was indescribable. His feelings to protect her were enormous.

_Come stop your crying it will be alright. Just take my hand, hold it tight. I will protect you from, all around you. I will be here don't you cry. For one so small you seem so strong. My arms will hold you keep you safe and warm. This bond between us, can't be broken. 'Cause you'll be in my heart. From this day on, now and forever more._

* * *

><p>A little later<p>

Lily said "Picture!" pulled out her camera and everyone groaned. She turned on her camera and said "Oh, I need more batteries. Barney could you get some more for me please." She said and pulled out some money.

"Why don't I do it?" Asked Marshall, "Barney can stay here."

"I don't care," Barney said, took the money, and left.

**Future Ted: "Kids, everyone still blames your Aunt Lily for the events that followed."**

Lily turned on her camera and said "Alright! Smile!" she said, set the timer, and ran to the rest of the gang.

"Wait." Robin said confused, "You just sent Barney for batteries," then the thought dawned on her and her expression turned from confused to a mix of sadness, pissed off, and stunned and she said "You don't think," she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. Marshall and Ted picked up what Robin was thinking and looked at Lily with the same look. Lily started to confess

"Alright! You caught me. I don't think that he'll stick around. He'll stay for a while, but he'll get tired of it and leave." The group was speechless. "I hate feeling this and I especially hate acting on it, and I know that I wasn't the only one who thought it." Just then Barney came back and gave Lily the batteries and asked

"What's wrong?" and the three gave him a look that said it all. Barney face turned to a mix of sadness, distrust, disappointment, pissed, and stunned, he then left again.

**Future Ted: "I never saw your Uncle Barney so vulnerable. It was really sad."**

"What the fuck did you do, Lily!" Robin said really pissed off and Ted left to find him. Ted found him looking through the glass window of the nursery, Barney said to him.

"Maybe Lily's right. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a father. I don't even know how to be one. " Ted came closer, looked at him and said  
>"It'll be alright." He made eye contact and said "Listen to me, you're <em>not<em> alone in this. We'll help you. You've seen Marshall, he'll help you, Lily will help Robin. There's a little girl in there that needs her father, she needs you."

* * *

><p>Later that evening<p>

They hadn't seen Barney in a while. Robin was still very pissed at Lily and refused to acknowledge her existence. Ted went to ask a nurse if she saw him, the nurse replied.

"I saw him about an hour or two ago. He left this for Ms. Scherbatsky," and she gave them a note. Ted knew that wasn't good. He read the note.

_Dear Robin,_

_ I love you and our daughter more than I thought I could love someone. I'm so sorry, but I've been thinking, and I think it would be better if I wasn't in her life. _

_Love,_

_ Barney_

Ted knew that it was Lily that made him change his mind. He was so pissed at Barney for leaving and he was pissed at Lily for changing his mind. He then went back into the room to tell Robin the bad news.

* * *

><p>Barney was in his Mom's attic looking at what she had on his father. He looked through the stuff, until he got to a note. He read the note and said with shock,<p>

"Oh god, what have I done?" He ran out the door and grabbed a cab. When he got to the city the cab ran into traffic. He got out and started to run to the hospital. He was across the street from the hospital and he paused to breathe, he then started again and a bus came by and hit him.

* * *

><p>Ted's phone rang. He picked it up and the female voice on the other end said<p>

"Is this Ted Mosby, emergency contact of Barney Stinson?"

**Future Ted: "You can call your old man a douche at this point but I still stand by what I said next."**

"No, sorry, you have the wrong number."

"Who was that?" asked Robin

"Wrong number," Ted said and just then the nurse that was in the room was called out when another nurse popped in and said

"Hey Nancy, a trauma just came in. A guy was hit by a bus. Hurry before Damon gets it!"

"Coming!" said Nancy and left.

**Future Ted: "I connected the dots immediately."**

* * *

><p>You'll be in my heart- Phil Collins<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

**Review and you'll make me day! :)**

Barney looked around and asked

"Am I dead?" and he saw Bob Barker "Dad!"

"You know I'm not your father, I'm part of our self-conscious,"

"Why are you here?"

"You need to go back, Barney."

"I was going to."

"Again, I'm part of your self-conscious and I have to do this."

"Am I dead?"

"Let's just do this, shall we?"

"What is this, my version of_ A Christmas Carol_?" Barney mocked

"If you want to think like that you could maybe say it's a combination of _A Christmas Carol_ and _It's a Wonderful Life_. Just look."

_Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before._

Barney looked at saw an old Ted sitting alone at the bar.

"Why is he alone?"

"You never existed, therefore you never introduced him to Robin and you never got Lily back from San Fransico,"

"What about Marshall?"

"Well, after he found out the Lily was marring one of the Sven's he put a gun in his mouth," Barney gasped. "Because of you Ted never found his true love,"

_Hurt, myself again today. And the worst part is there's no-one else to blame._

Barney turned around and saw an old, bald, fat, greasy, man in a suit at a strip club chomping down on bacon. Barney was appalled and disgusted. The man started to choke.

_Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me, I am small. I'm needy, warm me up. And breathe me._

He then saw the man in an open casket in the nude with the funeral director checking his watch. The room was empty other the those two men.

"Maybe it hasn't started yet?" Barney said

"It started two hours ago."

_Ouch, I have lost myself again. Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found Yeah. I think that I might break. I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe._

Just then, Ted, Lily, Marshall, and Robin come in and Lily asked

"Why did you say you wanted to come?"

"And why did you drag us along?" Asked Ted

"I had the guy's kid, I feel obligated."

"Maddie didn't even want to come," Marshall said.

"What did she say again, oh yes, "I have better things to do, like the rest of my life," Lily said.

They arrived at the casket and Lily continued "So disgusting to be buried nude."

"He was such an ass," Said Robin.

"Who would leave their child like that?" Asked Ted and Lily spat on the body in the casket and left. Barney was upset and horrified.

He then looked the other way and saw a funeral home with tons of people in it, adults, kids, elders. He then saw a much older Robin and Lily.

"And then there were two," Lily said.

"First, Tracy, then Marshall, then Ted, now Barney," Robin said and ran her hands down the top half of Barney's suit.

"You still have me, and Maddie, and let's not forget the grandchildren and your great grandson."

"Yeah."

"The Perfect Week Tie was a great choice," Lily said and looked at the old man in the casket and Robin agreed.

"He loved me and his family more than anything, then sex, then suits."

"Glad he just went in his sleep. No pain. No suffering."

"I'm very happy about that too."

Barney seemed touched by that.

_Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. Unfold me. I am small, I'm needy, warm me up. And breathe me._

Barney then asked again

"Am. I. Dead?"

"Your fate has been sealed." Bob said and vanished. Just then, Barney saw a closed casket with his mother and brother mourning.

"No!" Barney yelled "I don't want to die! I'm not ready!"

The nurses kept on trying to resuscitate him.

"CLEAR!"

_*flat line*_

"CLEAR!"

_*flat line*_

"CLEAR!"

_*flat line*_

"Call it!" the attending yelled at an intern.

_Be my friend. Hold me, wrap me up. _

"What?" asked the scared intern

"Call it!"

_Unfold me. I am small, I'm needy, warm me up. _

"Time of death 16:47."

_And breathe me._

* * *

><p>Breathe me: Sia<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

**Review and you'll make my day! :)**

_The nurses kept on trying to resuscitate him._

"_CLEAR!"_

_*flat line*_

"_CLEAR!"_

_*flat line*_

"_CLEAR!"_

_*flat line*_

"_Call it!" the attending yelled at an intern. _

"_What?" asked the scared intern_

"_Call it!"_

"_Time of death 16:47."_

Ted watched through the windows of the doors. He saw the doctors take out the tubes and things out of him in defeat. He then started to walk away slowly in shock. He had to tell Robin that Barney died, again.

"Doctor Underwood." The intern said unsurely. Doctor Underwood didn't answer. "Doctor Underwood!" she called

"What!" Doctor yelled

"He's breathing," said the intern

"That's impossible. He had no pulse for three minutes. He's dead."

"Then why is his chest moving." The intern said referring to him breathing. The doctor went and checked his pulse.

"He's got a pulse!" she called and suddenly everyone went back to trying to save him.

"Get him into MRI!" called Doctor Underwood as they ran him out of the room and to MRI. Ted saw Barney's mangled body go by and what the doctor said. He did a double take not believing what he just saw. Barney was alive.

Later Ted went to ICU and peeked into the window of the door to a room, all he could recognize was Barney's sleeping face. The rest was covered in casts and bandages. He heard the beeps from various machines. He then went over to the nurses' station and asked

"How's the guy in room 119?"

"If you're not family I can't tell you," said the nurse.

"I'm his brother," Ted lied

"He has a ton of broken bones and ribs. But he's one lucky bastard."

"Why?"

"He was without oxygen for three minutes and doesn't have any brain damage. Want to see him?"

"No, I can't," Ted said and left.

Later he pulled Marshall aside and said

"I saw Barney."

"What?"

"He was hit by a bus when he was coming back."

"How do you know this?"

"Remember that call I got earlier that I said was a wrong number."

"Yeah."

"The person told me that Barney was in an accident."

"And you ignored it."

"He was without oxygen for three mintures and has no brain damage."

"How do you know that? Did you talk with him?"

"No, a nurse told me." They then went down to the ICU and peered into Barney's room.

"You want to see him?" asked Marshall

"I can't. Not after what he did to Robin," Ted said and they turned from the room. They heard a women say to a doctor

"Lower the morphine on your one patient."

"Which one?"

"The bus crash that keeps on asking to go to Maternity."

Marshall then looked at Ted and said "You still don't want to see him."

"No, I don't." Ted said

* * *

><p>A few weeks later<p>

Barney stood at Ted's front door, he didn't feel like he could go in like the old days. He hadn't spoken to anyone in the group ever since _that day._ He knocked on the door. Ted answered. He looked at Barney and Barney said

"I need to speak to Robin."

"You already made your choice." Ted said irate but calmly

"I need to speak to her. It's life changing." Barney then heard crying from a bassinet near a chair. He was drawn to it. Ted stopped him and said in the same tone of voice

"Get out now before I throw you out." Barney was leaving when he turned around and said

"At least I'm not the kind of friend that purposely ignores his friend when the friend could really use a friend. Especially when said friend was trying to make his mistake right and his friend knew that and still ignored him," and he left. Ted stood there in shock.

* * *

><p>Ted called Marshall and they met at the bar<p>

"Barney came to see me."

"What?"

"He wanted to tell Robin something supposedly life changing. He knows."

"He knows what?" Marshall asked

"Everything. He knows we saw him in the hospital and didn't tell Robin that he was coming back." Just then the other three came in.

"Hey guys." Ted and Marshall greeted

"How's little Maddie doing today?" Ted asked looking down at the little girl.

"Good," Said Robin as she and Lily sat down, as something caught Robin's eye.

"What?" asked Lily

"From the back, that man looks a lot like Barney." Robin got up and went closer. Marshall stopped Ted from stopping Robin. Robin then heard Barney tell Carl, the bartender,

"Yeah, the doctors said that I don't have long. I just wish that I could've told Robin and I really wish I could've seen my daughter one last time." The other three were baffled. Robin looked at the gang and then back at the man who vanished. She then looked at the gang again now even more baffled.

Ted then went to see his Uncle Alex in the hospital as he was getting his treatment. Ted saw a man in a suit with blonde hair with a newspaper in front of his face getting the same treatment. He then walked over to him slowly and said

"Barney," Just then his Uncle started to have a seizure and all the doctors and nurses ran to him one doctor looked at Ted and said

"I'm sorry, we lost him."

* * *

><p>'Robin, Ted, Marshall, and Lily decided to go to Barney's apartment and see if he was the man that they saw at the bar and the hospital. Robin knocked and Barney answered.<p>

"Hey." Barney said surprised at who was at his door and let them in.

"It's okay, we'll be there every step of the way." Lily said and gave him a hug and a clump of hair ended up in her hand. Lily seemed up set and dropped it on the floor. They then heard a loud dog bark

"I thought you hated dogs," Marshall said and Barney smiled and said

"I can't believe it worked."

"What worked?" Asked Robin

"Hey we're ordering pizza want any?" Asked Ted's Uncle Alex

"Uncle Alex! I thought you died!"

"No," he said.

"What the hell, Barney?" Robin asked confused

"You bought it."

"Bought what?" Asked Ted and Barney played an audio tape

"_Yeah, the doctors said that I don't have long. I just wish that I could've told Robin and I really wish I could've seen my daughter one last time."_ And smiled.

"Wait. This was all an act." Said Robin in disbelief

"Yah."

"Who's that guy?" Asked Marshall as the saw a blonde Asian going to the fridge

"That's "me". Barney said

"Please explain this," Ted said.

"Okay, after Ted kicked me out of his apartment I saw on the calendar next to his door that he was going to see his Uncle in the hospital and I got an idea that I knew would work. I used an Asian friend of mine to be "me" and I recorded that message, "I" went to the same treatment that your Uncle was having and since it was on your calendar I knew you'd be there," he said and looked at Ted, "And I planted that dog hair when Alex said that you were coming," The gang was speechless, they exchanged a look and Robin looked at him and said

"You're an idiot," and they all gave him a hug.

**Future Ted: "Believe it or not, this was only the second biggest con to be put on by someone in our group."**


	18. Remember Your Daughter

3:19 A.M. Barney and Robin's apartment, Tribeca

They heard little Maddie's cries.

"You do it." Barney moaned

"No. You do it and we'll have sex," Robin moaned and slid her head under her pillow

"No, I'm too tired," Barney said.

"I have to get up and get to work in five hours," Robin complained.

"So do I," Barney looked at her and said.

"God only knows what you actually do. You could play solitaire all day for all I know," Robin complained, "I save lives."

"You work with dead people," Barney said.

"Well I catch killers preventing them to kill again so in the long run I save lives."

"Damn it," Barney said and got up.

* * *

><p>10 minutes later<p>

Barney came into the dark bedroom and asked

"How do you change a diaper?"

"You have to be kidding me," Robin said not opening her eyes.

"No, I'm serious."

"I don't know," Robin said.

"You lived with her for two months and you still can't change a diaper. At least I have a legitimate excuse," Barney said in disbelief.

"Ted always got to her before I could. It was freaky how fast he got to her."

* * *

><p>3:50 A.M.<p>

Ted was awoken by two of his best friends.

"Why are you in my bedroom?" Ted asked confused and groggy.

"How do you change a diaper?" Asked Barney seriously and Ted groaned.

* * *

><p>The next morning<p>

Barney was sitting at the marble bar drinking coffee and reading a newspaper while Robin was trying to take care of Maddie and get ready for work.

"Could you help!"

"What?" asked Barney coming up from his newspaper.

"I had to be in the South Bronx five minutes ago," Robin said in a hurry.

"It's always the Bronx," Barney said

"Here I have to go," Robin said, gave him the baby, and left.

* * *

><p>Barney and Robin's apartment- around noon<p>

Barney came in and saw Robin talking to a girl around ten, looked like a brainy girl, and said

"I knew kids grew up fast but I didn't know it was that fast."

"She's going to be Maddie nanny."

"You sure she doesn't need one?" Barney asked. The little girl said

"She hired me because by the time I turn eighteen I won't need to be Maddie's nanny anymore," Barney then knew why and gave Robin a look. Robin's phone rang, she looked at it and said

"I need to get back to the office," and she left.

* * *

><p>The Bar<p>

Patrick, Robin's partner, came to the guys and said

"Hey guys," and the gang greeted him.

"Are you here about Robin?" Ted asked

"Yeah,"

"Did something happen to her?" Barney asked.

"No, she's fine, but,"

"But what?" asked Lily

"She had to go undercover," Patrick said and the gang looked shocked.

"What?" asked Ted

"I can't tell you anything else."

"When is she going to be back?" Barney asked concerned

"Nobody knows. Undercover operations take time. I have to go. Bye," and he left. Barney looked terrified. He realized Robin wasn't going to be there to help with the baby. Lily knew what Barney was thinking and what he was worried about and said

"I know what your worried about and don't worry. I'll help out with Maddie. Marshall can handle the kids for a while, right sweetie."

"Sure baby," Marshall said.

"I don't need that. I'll be fine."

* * *

><p>Two hours later<p>

Lily answered the door to find Barney with Maddie and he said

"I'll take you up on your offer."

* * *

><p>Later that night<p>

Lily was getting a bottle for Maddie when she peered in the door and saw Barney holding Maddie in the rocking chair. Barney was looking down at her and said

"You're so cute, small, and innocent. I'll make sure a guy never takes advantage of you. If he does then I'll kill him. I will never abandon you like my father did me," Lily was so touched by that. She left them alone.

* * *

><p>Barney entered the bar solo and Lily asked<p>

"Where's Maddie?"

"What?" asked Barney.

"Maddie, your daughter," Ted said.

"Shoot," Barney said and ran out and the group heard him yell "Taxi!"

* * *

><p>Outside the courthouse<p>

The four left with Maddie and Barney complained

"I can't believe I got court mandated parenting classes!"

"You left your daughter in a cab! You're lucky they didn't take her away from you!" Marshall said angrily.

"I still can't believe that driver filed charges," Barney complained

"He was supposed to," Lily said.

"You guys know that I wouldn't neglect her!"

"We know that but the judge doesn't," Lily said.

"How can you forget your daughter in a cab?" Asked Ted.

"I was on the phone and I forgot," Barney said and clutched his daughter toward him.

"You know, some parenting classes wouldn't be a bad idea," Lily said.

"Let's not forget the other night when you had to asked _me _how to change a diaper," Ted said.

"What's your point?" Barney asked who was getting a little angry and held his daughter close to him making sure he didn't hold to tight.

"You just need some parental guidance," Lily said, "That's all."

* * *

><p>The Bar<p>

They were all sitting there when Lily said

"Barney, it's time, you have to go to class."

"it's alright. I'll just get the woman to sign off," he said and gave his attention to Maddie. Lilly knew how he was going to get her to sign off and threatened,

"Actually go or else,"

"Or else what?" Asked an unconvinced Barney.

"Hey guys," she said to Ted and Marshall, "When I was pregnant with Nick I was feeling down and Robin-" Barney interjected and said

"Alright alright. I won't do that, God."

Lily asked knowing what her husband wanted to do,

"Could I hold her for a minute?"

"Certainly," Barney said and handed her over and Marshall slapped him and shouted

"That's six! I've waited so long to do that!"

"Why do you wait?" asked Barney.

"I couldn't slap you when you had a baby in your hands. That would be cruel," Marshall said.

"I always wanted to slap Barney with a slap bet slap," Ted said.

"Want to have the seventh slap?" Asked Marshall.

"Certainly!" Ted said and Barney reached for Maddie for protection. Lily dodged and Ted slapped Barney in the face.

"That's seven!" Ted shouted happily.

"Why all the slapping?" Asked Barney holding his hurt face.

"Because you were stupid enough to leave your daughter in a cab," Marshall said.

"Can we let it go already?" Asked an aggravated Barney and he got his daughter from Lily.

"Fine. Don't you have to go to class soon though," Said Lily

* * *

><p>Parenting Class<p>

Barney holding little Maddie, Lily, and Marshall walked in. Marshall and Lily came with him to make sure he came and didn't sleep with the instructor. They saw a blonde twenty something and Lily asked

"How old are you?"

"I just turned twenty one last weekend!" the girl said in a country accent.

"Do you have room for another couple?" Lily asked.

"I most certainly do!" The girl said.

* * *

><p>They were all at the bar when a familiar face came in<p>

"Robin!" they all in in joy and surprise.

"Wow your back," said Lily.

"Yeah and I'm very glad to be, I was scared that he'd not be able to take care of her without me," Robin said.

"Funny story about that," Lily said and Barney gave her a look and said

"Lily, no, please."

"Barney left Maddie in a cab and got court mandated parenting classes," Lily said with a satisfied smile. Robin slapped him and he said

"Seriously, why is everyone slapping me?"

"You are the biggest idiot ever," Robin said and then asked confused at the possibility "How do you even forget that your kid in the cab with you?"

"Like that isn't something that you might do?" Barney said and they continued this for a while, which led to a very passionate night.


	19. Megan

**Review and you'll make my day!**

Barney walked into Robin's work, put down a bag of food at her desk and said

"I've brought you food from your favorite restaurant!"

"We're not having sex in the interrogation room," Robin said not looking from her computer.

"Damn it," Barney said.

"Again," said Patrick from the desk across from her. Barney and Robin give him a confused look and he continued, "You may have forgotten but even though you can't see out we can see it."

* * *

><p>The group was at the bar when Barney said while staring at a brunette wearing a pink cardigan.<p>

"Different Strokes," They knew he was drowned out. Barney got up and went toward the brunette who said remembering,

"Barney Stinson?"

"I'm sorry, did I sleep with you already?" Barney asked ready to leave.

"Megan Reid," she said, "Staten Island Boulevard."

"Oh my God!" Barney said happily and gave her a hug, "It's been so long!" He brought her over to his friends and said, "This is Megan, the only girl in my life that I never slept with, besides Lily." They did introductions and Lily asked,

"How long have you known Barney?"

"We've known each other since we were in preschool, " Barney said, "It's been so long since I saw her," he said and smiled at her.

"How long?" Asked Marshall.

"It was right before senior year of high school, before that we were inseparable," Barney reminisced.

Robin asked, "So, I have to ask, what was Barney like as a kid?"

"Just as he is now just without the suits and exchange the scotch with apple juice," Megan said and laughed and so did Barney. He gazed into her eyes. Robin sat there miserable. They talked for a while when Barney asked

"Do you live here, I haven't ever seen you around?"

"No, I just moved here after a really, _really_ bad break-up."

"Do you have a place to stay cause if not I have an apartment I'm not using. You could stay there as long as you'd like," Barney said still smiling. Robin was causally counting the nicks on the table in her head.

"Really?" Megan said.

"Of course!" Barney said.

"I'll have to take you up on that," Megan said and gazed into his eyes and flashed her perfect smile.

* * *

><p>Later at Barney's apartment<p>

Barney and Megan were unpacking some boxes of clothes and putting them away when Barney found an old yearbook in an old box of her books and said

"Oh my God. You still have this? Yearbooks are the thing people look at with their friends once and never see again."Barney brought the yearbook from the book to the closet and they sat on the floor.

"Yes I do. Remember when we were little we would draw bunny ears and devil horns on people we didn't like?" Megan said chuckling at the memory.

"Yeah. When your eight nothing says go to hell like putting bunny ears on the people that you hated." Barney said looking up remembering, they reminisced for what seemed like hours. Afterward, Barney got up, straighten his suit, and went toward a huge closet box. Megan warned

"Don't go in there!" Too late, Barney opened the box and looked at her confused,

"What the hell?" He asked about the beautiful wedding dress inside.

"It's too pretty to punish."

"Who's the man behind this?" Barney asked looking at her then the dress.

"Okay. I just moved into my dorm freshmen year of college, I met this guy, Jason, we dated all through college and after, marriage was always a definite but we decided to get engaged when we were older and we could afford a wedding. A few months ago, he proposed. It was going great, I met the soon-to-be-in-laws, made so many reservations. When, he wanted to go across the country to culinary school. A dream he gave up years ago. I gave him a choice between his could-be-career, and me, thinking he'd pick me. Instead, he chose his career. I never heard from him since," Megan finished and rubbed her hands down a cozy red sweater. Barney thought of a similar story with a very different outcome.

* * *

><p>The Bar<p>

Megan and Barney came in in laughter and Ted asked

"What's so funny?"

"You wouldn't get it," Barney said, and then Megan asked Robin,

"Hey, we were going to lunch, Want to join us?"

"No, I wouldn't want to impose on your time. Go and have fun," Robin said _really _not wanting to go.

"Come on, I really want to get to know you better!" Megan said cheerfully.

"No, no, you guys go and have fun?" Robin said.

"Please!" Megan said friendly.

"Fine, I'll go." Robin said and she knew she would regret it.

* * *

><p>They were at lunch, Robin was glad she left Maddie with Lily and Marshall. She then had a foolproof excuse to leave incase she needed.<p>

"Do you remember Johnny?" Barney asked.

"Oh please don't bring him up," Megan said embarrassed

"Who's Johnny?" asked Robin. Barney, who seemed not to have heard her said,

"Oh come on, it was so obvious you had a crush on him all sophomore year!" Barney said.

"Remember the chair!" Megan said laughing.

"_Yes!"_ Barney said. Robin felt so lost in their conversation she said

"I gotta go, I have a thing," Robin said and got up to leave. Barney and Megan seemed not to even hear her. It was like they were in there own little world and nothing else mattered.

* * *

><p>Robin came into the bar and saw only Ted was there.<p>

"I now know what you went through when Marshall and Lily were newly married."

"What does that mean?" Asked Ted confused.

**Future Ted: "It didn't take me long to realize what that meant."**


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry I had to put this story on hiatus, I'm super busy with school and stuff. It's been**_** way**_** to long. So, here you go, I hope you like it! **

**Future Ted:** **"So, your Uncle Barney and Megan, his childhood friend, started to go out. Robin was less than thrilled about this."**

Robin and Lily were chatting at the bar

"You're jealous of Barney," Lily said

"I am not!" Robin said trying to hide the truth.

"You're jealous because if Barney and Megan do stay together and say, have kids of their own, you'll be the other woman. The woman he accidently knocked up. He'll still love Maddie like she was his only child but you will never be more than a friend who he got pregnant," Lily said trying to get Robin to tell the truth by saying some facts.

"Stop it, Lil," Robin said trying to get her to shut up.

"You're being defensive because you know I'm right."

Ted then came in and said "Amazing fifth date with Sophia!" Ted then went on to talk about this girl he was dating. He thought she could be wife material.

* * *

><p>Barney and Megan were eating dinner and laughing at Barney's place when they heard Maddie start to cry. Barney got up to tend to her, Megan got up and said<p>

"I'll help."

They went into his bedroom to the small crib set up there and Megan said sincerely,

"Maybe we'll be taking care of a baby one day," and smiled. Barney stopped, looked at her and said as he smiled "Yeah, maybe," he then changed the mood by saying, "Just as long as you don't send me out at 4:00 A.M. for food."

"I bet there's a story there," Megan said sitting on the bed.

'Yeah, I accidently got involved in a Black Friday stampede. "

"What? How?" Asked Megan intrigued

"Well, when Robin was pregnant…"

_Barney and Robin were lying in bed when Barney said_

"_You were great. Like better than usual," Barney said, "I should knock you up more often," Barney joked._

"_No," Robin said seriously, "I'm hungry for Lays Barbeque Chips."_

"_That's exact," Barney commented. _

"_I want them now." Robin said._

"_Well go to the kitchen and get some," Barney said and turned over to go to sleep._

"_We don't have any," Robin said _

"_What do you want me to do about it?" Barney said with attitude almost into his pillow._

"_Go get some," Robin said._

"_You can walk. Get them yourself," Barney said trying to get to sleep. Robin then whispered something into his ear. Barney sprang up and started to get dressed._

"_What you will do for exciting sex," Robin commented as she saw Barney get dressed, "Seriously, a suit. It's almost 4:00 A.M. and you're going to get chips."_

"_How long have you known me?" Barney asked as he straightened his tie and Robin shook her head and rolled her eyes. _

_Barney walked outside looking for an open bodega. He walked a few blocks when he thought "Seriously, there's always at least one open." He then saw store lights and people. He thought, "Hey, maybe they sell chips." He walked into this massive crowd of people "God, why the hell are all these people here?" The crowd started to move and so he joined in, got in front of a few people trying to squeeze his way inside when a woman knocked him down and yelled  
>"DON'T CUT!" and started to run. Barney trying to get up as people who didn't seem to have noticed him ran over him to get into the store. <em>

"Because of that, I got a concussion, broke my nose and three ribs," An unhappy Barney finished.

"Oh my God. Those vultures," Megan commented, "Don't worry I won't bribe you with sex," she said, and they kissed, "Maybe," she said chuckling.

* * *

><p>Ted left and Robin said to Lily,<p>

"I'm not jealous of Megan. Why should I? Just because they seem to get along perfectly and have almost twenty years of history," Robin said not looking Lily in the eye. Lily gave her a look and Robin confessed, "Alright, that has crossed my mind. I remember this one time when I was pregnant, and we were having a bad fight…"

_Robin ran outside in the rain, trying to get away, Barney followed_

_**And I remember that fight, 2:30 a.m. as everything was slipping right out of our hands. I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street.**_

_Robin braced herself for what Barney was going to say next._

_**Braced myself for the goodbye. 'Cause that's all I've ever known**_

"_I love you, and I love our baby. I'll never leave you. Everything is going to work out fine," and he gave her a hug. _

_**Then you took me by surprise**_

_**You said, "I'll never leave you alone"**_

* * *

><p>Taylor Swift: Mine<p> 


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